


you have a nice living room

by Astrid (rakastettava)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Denial of Feelings, F/M, M/M, Pre-Prisoner of Azkaban
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 01:43:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7488453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rakastettava/pseuds/Astrid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Days after Halloween are difficult to each and every one of them. Remus stays at their apartment and waits for the news with an unwanted companion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you have a nice living room

She doesn’t say many words although she comes in without permission, just _hello_ and _goodnight_ , and then she lingers around the kitchen and the living room and the kitchen and the living room and I only care about that because I sleep in the living room and the kitchen’s light hurts my eyes when she switches the lamp on and then switches it off. I wouldn’t like to talk to her, _I’m sorry but you have a terrible taste when it comes to women_ , but it will soon be inevitable because this is not how you sleep.

”Would you like to have some tea?” I ask even though I’m not sure if she is able to hear me from under the blankets. She answers anyway:  
”He won’t come.”  
”He left last Friday,” I confirm, ”but he will come back!” His belongings are here and I wouldn’t care to carry them to the attic that is way too full anyway but soon I have to if they begin to gain dust.  
She grunts something and I dig myself out the sofa to grab a couple of teacups. The other one’s handle has been hexed away and albeit it was my fault you never cared about it.  
”White tea? Green tea?”  
”Coffee, please,” and even though it is night I catch myself looking for filter paper and coffee beans. She watches mistrustfully as the coffee brews in a muggle way. We stand in silence.  
  
”Did he say anything before he…” she begins and I cut in briskly:  
”Milk or sugar?” even though I don’t have any.  
”No thanks,” she says and sips her coffee to warrant her words. She encourages herself to ask again. I decide to astonish her and I even surprise myself,  
”He said it would be a short visit.”  
”A short visit?” she snorts. ”Remus, he is in a remand and they won’t even give him a proper trial and I think that – hell! I think that it is what he deserves after all what he did, he betrayed his friends and everything he ever had and if I had known that he was just like every other– ”  
”He wasn’t,” I helpfully cut her off. Because I don’t want to hear any more.  
”He was!” she snaps and I can’t understand how you can tolerate her voice. ”Remus, do you realize that because of him we are the only ones left,” and it hurts because it is true. I focus on getting the coffee down the wrong way, maybe she doesn’t notice that I’m not listening if I just quietly suffocate here in my place in front of her, I would get away from all these problems even if there will most likely be a hell lot more after death if there even is something and in the eternity it would be impossible to run from them and that is why you never wanted to die and I still think that is an adept argument. The woman continues her babble and I drift from Monday to Friday and from Friday to Monday and it’s soon to be Tuesday and it doesn’t matter.

I suddenly become aware of her crying against my shoulder.  
”How can you stand this, I thought you were the best friends,” and I correct quickly in my mind that we _are_ and I think how my life suddenly resembles one of those lousy Muggle movies that our Muggle studies’ substitute teacher used to show us at Hogwarts in our seventh year while we should have been studying for the N.E.W.T:s.  
”I just don’t get it,” she sobs, ”and they say that you just wither here and out there they have the nerve to celebrate –”  
”They don’t celebrate Sirius!” I emphasize your name. ”Nobody knows what happened and it is stupid to hypothesise before the Ministry has investigated everything.” I feel stupid as I know that the game is already lost when put in their hands.  
”Do you really believe this will clear up nicely?” she asks candid sceptical, and I don’t answer her since I am only thinking that it _won’t, it never won’t_ and I don’t want to lie for a wailing woman.  
”Remus, every single common wizard knows what he did!”

  
She takes fright from my reaction and falls silent. She stares at her empty coffee cup. Then she takes a glance at your room’s door and at the clock. It’s half five, and she won’t be sleeping tonight. She squeezes my shoulder and feigns an understanding expression and talks some pseudo-psychological nonsense about denial being totally normal reaction in a crisis situation like this –  
”I’ll go to sleep,” I say as I can’t figure out anything else.  
”But you do realize that - oh, forgive me,” she says when she notices my face. ”If you wish to talk in the morning, let me know.”  
”Most likely I won’t.”  
”Thank you for the coffee”, she smiles bravely. ”They will announce the results of their investigations in the morning, I guess they will write about in in the Prophet.”  
  
I close my eyes.  
  
”Good night,”  
  
and I never see her again but in the morning I there is something in the Prophet I would never like to see and for the first time since my school years I wait for the full moon so that I wouldn’t have to think, only to lust, maybe to tear and slay and what else, and soon there is someone in my doorstep telling me that blessed are they that mourn even though I know there will be nothing waiting for me any more.  
  
Some day I could draw myself up and carry at least some of your stuff upstairs but since I don’t have the money to pay the rent it is pointless to mull over that. Perhaps I could drink the coffee at last. For one I should throw her belongings away as she hasn’t come to get them, maybe she isn’t bold enough to meet the murderer’s flatmate or something entirely else.  
  
I don’t really care.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! 
> 
> English is not my first language so please tell me if there is something weird and I'll fix it. All comments are appreciated.


End file.
